this Dec 22nd thing

honestly... i'm so sick of this mother day thingy. aha! i believe you feel my anger already.

yes! I AM ANGRY. I AM UPSET. I WISH THERE IS NO SUCH A MOTHERS DAY THING! because all of sudden everything is about this stupid greetings. social media, television, radio, anything.

today was my Mum birthday. where i used to chat, laugh, kiss, hug and felt her arms around me when we slept. she is my STRENGTH, my INSPIRATION, my REASON and my EVERYTHING. she always do, always have and always will.

the fact that she’s not here anymore is make me a ‘munafik’ person and wore my mask all the time. smiley outside, crey inside.

the fact that she’s not here anymore is really breaking my heart and makes me crying. i can’t control myself, this tears came deep from my heart. this is love.

i know i supposed not complaining about anything... but i don’t give a damn. this is me, this is my thought, this is my emotion and what i feel right now. this is real. this is my anger management.

and tonight everything is so perfect to complete my sadness... it looks like me at one of Hollywood famous studio with the rainy effect, mothers day ambiance from tv and everywhere, my mum birthday and i can’t say ‘happy birthday’ to her, hearing her voice... aaand myself remembering the sweet memories of my mum, wearing the prays outfit for daily pray and continue reading Yasin for my mum because tonight coincidentally is Thursday night.

that was not the smooth one... i mean when i did the Yasin stuff... i read, i sobb, i remember her, and my thought is always on her.

so that was a moment.... God, me and all the memories of mum.

thank you God for choosed her for me, thank you God for gave her to me, thank you God for making me as a proud daughter from the BEST and GREAT MAMA of the world.

i love You, God... please put her on Your best-heaven. i love you Mama.