being on 'head vs heart' situation can be so suffocating. my head told me to face the reality, put aside anything that obstacling myself for move on, and fight independently for better future.
while my heart screamed that the thing i put aside is also important and valueable.
it's a choice. and it has risks on each of it. aiming something, gaining something, but also losing something.
i sincerely accept God's decision to take my parents. i just can't stand the idea of not able seeing them to asking some advise or support.
it makes me unconfidence to take a leap, cause there won't be a net anymore.
if i make a mistake or failed on something, there'll be no warm hug that saying everything will be ok anymore. that we're so proud of you. that you never failed to make us happy and proud having a daughter like you.